Hitched!

A Bachelorette Party That is Actually Fun!

My cousin got sloshed, ripped the behind of her pants and started chanting sorority songs at her bachelorette party. And none of it slowed down her drinking through a penis-shaped straw.

That evening was only slightly less classy than her wedding -- where she ended the night by dry humping another woman on the dance floor. (Her marriage is actually much better. She and her husband have two seemingly normal kids and live in an upscale neighborhood.)

Thankfully, businesses are now catering to the grown-up bride looking to kick back with her old pals before her wedding day. No veils, penis paraphernalia or screaming renditions of "I Will Survive" are needed.

Thank God. It's bad enough when you see it, let alone are part of it.

Wining in the Spa

The Knot's blog recently included one suggestion, a fabulous day at a wine spa.

Yes, that's Wine + Spa. It's two of my favorite things, and probably yours. Throw in your best gals and it's off-charts-better than going to a stinky bar and toting plastic bits of male anatomy. You might even want to spend a day doing some "research" on your own, or with your maid of honor.

Cooking Schools

Many cooking schools do corporate events, where everyone divides up into teams and makes one part of the evening's dinner. Even though the wine flows freely -- at least at the ones I have attended -- the instructor is usually able to keep things from getting burned or undercooked.

These events are a blast, folks, even when you don't know too many of the people you're cooking shoulder-to-shoulder with. It's probably doubly good when it's with the people you love.

Dudette Ranch

Secretly I have always wanted to have a bachelorette party at a dude ranch, but one with a really good spa. Most of us can't cough up for a weekend at Canyon Ranch on top of wedding costs, so there are a number of great affordable dude ranches out there, which cater to bachelorette parties.

A Google search will turn up a number of dude ranches -- even some near urban areas. That's getting away from it all!

Puking on Hello Kitty

Kathy Griffin has a sarcastic line about grown women who talk with baby voices.

"Mmmm...Yummy!" (With a big eye roll!)

She's right. It makes most of us clutch our sides, trying to retain our lunch.

It's pretty much the same feeling as when I see women who want LOADS OF BABY CRAP as part of their wedding. Take, for example, this ridiculous Hello Kitty wedding.

I am not just blaming the bride for this. The groom who went along with the theme is doomed to a life of excessive stuffed animals, doll collections and doilies. And that's before they have kids.

Or, as one person commented on the video, "this guy has lost his balls for life."

Now, I am being slightly unfair, assuming the bride planned the wedding. But any groom who plans a Hello Kitty event has issues that Freud and Jung together couldn't sort out.

What surprised me the most wasn't the video at all. It was the comments about the video. There are scads of women saying it was a cute wedding. Some even said they wanted a wedding just like it.

Mmmm...Yummy.

Shrinking the Wedding Budget. Not the Fantasy.

Custom lighting. The releasing of the doves. Specialized engraved invitations. Hand-made chocolate favors. Designer bridesmaid dresses. Full top-shelf open bars. It's these things that many bridal magazines and TV shows (and, heck, my future mother-in-law) would portray as the norm for the average wedding.

True, weddings have grown more elaborate over the decades, as more brides and grooms emulate the gala-style events of the stars. But for the first time in a decade, the average cost of a wedding has gone down.

Down??!!

It's true. The average wedding dropped from $28,732 to $28,704 in 2007. OK, that 28 bucks may not seem like that big of a deal. According the the experts, though, it is a very, very big deal.

Time magazine reported that half the members of The National Association of Catering Executives had seen a decline in wedding spending due to economic hardship. Some 12% even said they had seen weddings canceled for financial considerations.

So, how are happy couples scrimping on the price, but not on their fantasy?
1.) Friday and Sunday weddings make a big difference, since there is often a discount. Just not everywhere... My wedding will be on a Sunday, but there are no discounts. I guess there are enough other people who are having Jewish weddings to still make that day popular.

2.) Bring on the chicken. Who really remembers many wedding meals anyway?

3.) Forge a new tradition. Forgo the champagne toast. We're skipping the champagne toast to save on the cost of the wedding, as well.

4.) Selective invites. B and I had to do this. Warning to other brides: Your future mother-in-law may not react well.

Some people with a artistic streak, oodles of time and other helping hands are also making their own invitations, sewing bridesmaid dresses, arranging their own flowers, making cakes and catering events.

Personally, I am looking to get creative with my budget.

To Potential Employers: I am Getting Married. Whatofit?

As many have recognized, married men with kids are more often hired -- because they're supposedly more stable -- and single women or women without kids are more frequently get the job. Understanding this, is it not so far of a jump to think that employers will always favor single women over married women, lest a reduced chance of a child coming into the picture?

There may be some truth to the benefits of workers not having families, regardless of gender. I know I have gotten promotions over both men and women with families, since I can fully dedicate myself to the office, working longer hours and weekends.

So, as I am interviewing for new jobs, I am encountering a few tough questions about my personal life, which may not put me in the best position.

The first one is usually about our move to L.A. It generally goes:
"Why did you move to Los Angeles?"
"We had been visiting frequently, and when an opportunity came up to move, we did it."
"So your last company moved here."
"Uh, my significant other took a job here."
"You mean your husband?"

Oy.

Other times, I just call him my "partner" rather than my "significant other." That throws some of the interviewers. Given I just moved from San Francisco and now live in a gay-friendly area of L.A., the big, 'ol lesbian question probably occurs to them. It's a good test of the employer too. I really don't want to work for someone who isn't gay tolerant.

Since I am in the online world, I also get asked whether I blog. That conversation usually sounds like:
"Do you blog?"
"Yes, I do."
"What do you blog about?"
"Well, I used to blog about prefab modern architecture. Now I blog about weddings."
"Why weddings?"
"Well, I have had to deal with some issues around my own."
Then I quickly add: "But the wedding is way off -- not until the end of 2009."

Sometimes I don't wear my engagement ring to interviews, but since there aren't any gemstones involved, I figured that most men, at least, won't really notice it.

Perhaps I should be more dishonest about the whole thing, telling them I moved here because I LOVE southern California. Maybe I should keep another blog that can tell employers about.

It's strange. While I feel I can honestly answer professional question smoothly, I am still grasping at how to answer the uncomfortable questions I receive about my personal life.

Do Me a Favor?

Ponder this: When was the last time a wedding favor was something you kept or actually used? Is it less of a favor and more of a hassle, since you now need to dispose of the item?

Some people wonder if these small gifts are necessary; whether guests would feel gypped if they didn't get a trinket to take home.

Necessary -- they are probably not. Nice -- they are definitely. In short, favors are a way of the bride and groom thanking the guests for coming to their wedding.

Now, I can see why some people would feel differently.

My sister's take:
"Uggth. Oh God. Skip the favors," she said. Apparently she still has a box of personalized golf tees from her wedding seven years ago because people didn't remember to take them -- and there are some avid golfers in the bunch!

Truthfully, I considered skipping the favors. But I am changing my mind and am thinking about some meaningful tokens of appreciation. Because sometimes I can be nice.

From what I can tell, besides making donations, here are the top favor trends:

1. The DIY Favor

• Baked items are usually appreciated, if only briefly, before they're eaten.
• Candy bars, where guests select from loose candy put it into a take-home bag are also popular now. However, one wedding I went to had guests leaving with two or three bags of candy.

Yeah, it was kind of gross.

2. The Eco-Friendly Favor

• Seeds or planted flowers make a lovely statement. Only...your guests with brown thumbs may be anxiety-ridden with this one. Another alternative is:
• Reusable tea cups, as suggested by the EcoChic blog. These are a big frou-frou for my taste, but a lot of people love this shit.
• A recyclable flower vase is a brilliant idea. And guests don't feel guilty if they think it sucks and throw it away. Male guests, for example, may not be as enamored with this favor.

 

You can pick these up online at Bliss Wedding Market.

3. The Hipster Favor

• Cootie catcher favors are fun and interactive for the table top.  Others must agree, because the vendor is sold out, for now!
• Booze also makes a lovely gift. Don't believe me? See how thrilled this wedding guest was with her new bottle of tequila.



Perhaps your wedding won't be remembered, but your guests will have a sense they had a really good time!

 

Hey Kid! You're Not Invited!

"I would be really angry and probably not talk to that person again," reads a response on a message board about not inviting kids to a wedding.

Like this person, many adults feel entitled to bring their kids to weddings. Some parents I've spoken with say they don't want leave their child with a babysitter in a strange town or pay for childcare. For others, they just don't want to make the effort to set it up.

"They'll be quiet. I promise," some parents plead.

But kids aren't quiet. And asking them to sit politely for hours without a peep is unfair and unrealistic. Case in point are some of the eruptions I have witnessed at weddings:

• A four-year-old child yelling so loudly that the entire sermon and vows were drowned out.
• At a no-kids-invited wedding, where childcare was provided for free, a mother sat at the front of the synagogue with a young child, who was babbling away. Only after the rabbi stopped the service and said something, did the parent get up and remove the child.

I wish I had an "it's a village" approach like a friend of mine. Yet no one REALLY wants another evening of...

Do you take this person to be your lawfully wedded...
WAAAH, WAAAH, WAAAH, WAAH
I now pronounce you husband and wife.

See, it even sucks in writing.

Some of the other issues I have considered and, as a result, have decided not to invite very young children to my wedding:

• We pay for meals by the head. It doesn't matter if that head belongs to a very small person, who will eat a lot less than others.
  
• The wedding is outside, meaning that parents can't just take their kids into the lobby or out of the building. If a snit fit occurs, it will be heard by more than 100 people.
  
• Kids need to go to bed earlier. So, parents sometimes have to eat and run.

Yes, some people say I am selfish for not including children. That being said, I have spent a lot of time around kids (and parents) and know what's realistic. Even my niece, who begged to be the flower girl, is planning on hanging out with the nanny after the wedding. She's already informed me that adult dinners are "way boring."

So what are kids invited to at our wedding? After dinner dancing, because most kids like music and moving their bodies. And I love that.

Cheap Wedding at $100,0000

When does a down-home wedding cost a reported $100,000 and involve an Oscar de la Renta gown?

When you're the first daughter.

Pictures and stories of Jenna Bush's "low-key" wedding overflowed the Internet this weekend. (I am sure the 100K price tag didn't involve the military security.) And the photos back up the assertion.

Strangely, I agree with that the price tag is modest, in this case. Most people won't need to construct fences to protect against prying eyes, hire security (in addition to the government provided version) and bus guests to the site, in the same way. Yes, it was a big price-tag dress, but it's not like she booked out the D.C. Four Seasons for the weekend.

Now, a lot of people are pissed off because the Bush twin's wedding didn't have the same media access as a lot of celebrity weddings. But let's face it, most celebrities aren't going back to teach a classroom full of kids after their nuptials. In fact, if Jenna had a mega wedding, how would she be able to do her job -- which is not being a celebrity -- with paps hanging around?

Can you imagine six months from now,  kids being questioned by E! or The Insider about whether their teacher's new marriage is in jeopardy?

I am not a fan of pappy Bush, but applaud Jenna for holding her ground on this one.

Bride's Song: I (Don't) Want to Hold Your Hand

With the insanity around wedding planning there is one thing a gal needs most leading up to the event: a big FAT buffer.

I just learned these buffers are for hire, in the form of a wedding coordinator. The wedding coordinator actually calls her role (more diplomatically) a concierge service for your guests.

I also learned that not all wedding coordinators charge 10% of the cost of an event. They tend to have "month of" packages (the month leading up to the wedding and the wedding day) or some will charge by the hour.

Whatever you call it and whatever the cost, I suspect it's worth not having people in your face. It's amazing to me that other people don't realize that, as you're about to take solemn vows, you DON'T GIVE A CRAP about where they can buy eye makeup remover.

Yet, I've seen it happen.

One of the coordinators I spoke to said there is a trend of "holding guests hands from the second they get off the plane."

Given a bunch of New Yorkers, who don't really drive much, will get behind the wheel and cruise for an hour and a half from the airport to my wedding, the thought of hand-holding crossed my mind. B, who was born and raised in New York, says that driving is "unnatural." Get this: A member of his family -- a guy in his mid 30s -- has only driven on a freeway twice in his life.

Wanna see what that looks like? Watch Annie Hall, especially the scenes where Annie is driving in New York or Alvy is driving in LA. It reminds me of the line when Alvy says, after Annie parks the car, "Don't worry. We can walk to the curb from here."

While I love the idea of helping out all my guests, truthfully I'll probably only do that for the people actually in the wedding.

For the rest of the guests, I have resorted to passive hand holding; A wedding website. It has details on car rental, car service, sight seeing, child care, food and lodging. Printing the URL on the invitations maybe a little tacky, but truthfully I don't care.

OK, let me quickly reconsider. I'll weigh me being tacky against other people being annoying. Mmmm...yep, tacky wins.

You heard it here first, though: On the weekend before the event, stay of the sidewalks, my friend! 

Getting Under the Wedding Veil

If there is a time where you need to see a situation clearly, I suspect it's leading up to your wedding.

But, OH MY GOD, doesn't everyone look great with the soft-focus lens affect of a veil over them? Maybe it's the time RIGHT BEFORE you walk down the aisle you need to see clearly. Perhaps, at the altar, visualization is good enough.

All my interest in veils was triggered by seeing Carrie Bradshaw behind a head dress of exaggerated tulle in the Sex in the City previews. And got me thinking...and checking them out.

Before you think that I am going to attempt a Sex in the City veil, let me clarify something. I get that ONLY Carrie could handle this frothy dress topped whimsical feathers, without audience members thinking a blue jay landed on her head. I know, I know...the problem with these movies is people start thinking they can carry (no pun intended) off the same wackiness.

Someone will try the Carrie look, trust me. It just won't be at my wedding.

So in looking for a real-world veil, I started pouring at websites and magazines, while also talking to a few veil-wearing brides about their wedding day.

A few thoughts on veils...

1.) When looking at fashion magazines, a friend reminded me, remember it's the concept they're after.

They call these bird cage veils. Of course this scrap looks like a flock took off with most of it!

2.) Here's a tip from my sis about veils: A common side effect of a veil is whiplash! Yup, it's just not for the car anymore. When someone puts your arms around you as you're wearing one of these long things, it inevitably rips your head back!

Don't let the photo fool you.

3.) There is a new sassy alternative to veils: hip hats. This stylish top hat, for example, has more panache than the floppy 1970s hats.

I just wonder how he feels if your, er, hat is bigger than his.

As cool as this looks though, it's just "Carrie" enough that most of us won't be able to get away with it!

Wedding Dresses That Make You Wonder

Last time I checked, women weren't exchanging their brains for rings when they got in engaged.

So check this out:
Bride.com, the online arbiter of everything weddings, recently featured these wedding frocks. If this is what a bride is supposed to wear down the aisle, then maybe I'll opt for something less fashion forward.

Stand Back, Stand Back...
I could leave a cat in a room with a simple shift dress and get this raggedy looking thing. But if you're heart is set on it, it will SET YOU BACK 13 THOUSAND BIG ONES! That's right. This wedding dress is over $13,000.

If it weren't for the price tag, I would call this dress a poor woman's version of a 1970s Stevie Nicks dress.

But who can really do Stevie Nicks better than the fabulous Stevie Nicks?

Baby Love

Why would a designer create a baby dress for a woman who is old enough to decide to get married?

At least the price tag is a little smaller, but not peewee, at around $3700.

Compared with the dress above, this one seems like a deal. Only 50 bucks!

File Under WTF!!!

Celine Dion's much-maligned ball-o-tin foil headpiece probably didn't need a do-over. It really does look like an antenna that the Church of Scientology might make brides wear to help get in touch with aliens.

But just in case you think E.T. is trying to contact you...

Two Wrongs Don't Make a Right

This wedding dress photo...

plus this wedding dress photo...

equals this!!???