Hitched!

Introducing the Happy Couple

If I could present you with some AMAZING facts that would make us seem like FASCINATING people, believe me, I wouldn't hesitate.  After assembling the list below, however, I realized I would have to stretch the truth too much. We're a pretty typical older couple, who established their careers before their relationship with each other. So here it goes:

Five Facts About The Happy Couple

1.) By the time we get married, I will be 39 and B will be 45. Before you ask, yes, it's the first wedding for the both of us.
2.) We've been together for over five years.
3.) We've lived together for over three years.
4.) I wasn't sure about him when we first met. B generally won't admit that on our first date he thought I might be the one, unless, of course, he's on at least his second glass of wine. Then sometimes he says he "had a feeling." (Don't ask where.)
5.) We have similar tastes, from architecture to wine. B's a pickier eater, though.

So, while we're happy to be engaged -- thrilled, actually -- we're not completely atwitter about the whole thing. It's not likely we'll empty our bank accounts for the wedding, for example. In our world, happiness equals a nice 401K statement involving lots of numbers with commas. 

(I know, you're thinking, "these people are so INTERESTING! " Let me tell you, getting like this takes  work.)

Many bright people will tell you that the wedding business is a big scam. But many smart folks around us *have* bought into it. In fact, they bought into it for us. And now they're telling us exactly how we should buy into it too. 

Don't get me wrong. I love a lot of these people. Yet, they're also proving to me that age and wisdom don't always go together. (Insert George Bush joke here.)

However, maturity gives B and I the ultimate control over the wedding: paying for it.

Engaggment

It was what you would expect, sort of.

The setting: Sunset in Big Sur, California.
Drink: A stellar California cab.
The mood: Relaxed.
How he popped the question: I have something for you.

Huh?

"I have something for you" as he pulled out an engagement band from his pocket was how B asked me to marry him. Admittedly he had picked the perfect backdrop. But somehow, in all my subconscious fantasies, I never expected "I have something for you" would mark my transition from singledom to engagement. (To his credit, B made up for it by spending the next week repeatedly asking me to marry him using suitably flowery romantic prose, sometimes when on one knee.)

On TV, the script writers build up to an engagement year after year, only revealing it when the ratings might slip. We had some build up to our engagement. We had a few conversations and B asked about rings. But after "I have something for you," a ring going on my finger and a big kiss, it was kind of like "OK, so when's our dinner reservation?" I mean, no one really shows you how to handle the next scene.

Eventually we called my parents. They had never pressured us during our five years together. Still they were thrilled.

We also called his parents. After his mother let out a shriek of joy, no doubt heard by most of the people living in their swanky New York co-op, she immediately said "the wedding should be in wine country."

"Oh sure," we said, not feeling that we really had to commit to anything besides each other at that point. "We'll look into it."

A few minutes after we hung up one of B's brothers called.

"I hear the wedding is in Napa," he said.

By the time I got off the phone, I was beginning to freak out at how the location was already decided and stressed about the potential cost of the event. I was going to need to take control, I decided. My inner bridezilla was taking root.

Bridezilla -- Bring It On!

What's so wrong with Bridezilla? No, seriously.

Sure, she's a raging bitch, demanding the wedding is HER WAY! She's THE WORST control freak. In short, the stress of her beautiful, perfect day makes her damn ugly.

Why doesn't anyone see this as a rational response to the wedding planning process?

I told myself I would NEVER become bridezilla, but with my wedding over 500 days away the transformation is in bloom.  Because while I don't feel I've lost sight  of what's important, the normally level-headed people around us have some other ideas.