Hey Kid! You're Not Invited!

"I would be really angry and probably not talk to that person again," reads a response on a message board about not inviting kids to a wedding.

Like this person, many adults feel entitled to bring their kids to weddings. Some parents I've spoken with say they don't want leave their child with a babysitter in a strange town or pay for childcare. For others, they just don't want to make the effort to set it up.

"They'll be quiet. I promise," some parents plead.

But kids aren't quiet. And asking them to sit politely for hours without a peep is unfair and unrealistic. Case in point are some of the eruptions I have witnessed at weddings:

• A four-year-old child yelling so loudly that the entire sermon and vows were drowned out.
• At a no-kids-invited wedding, where childcare was provided for free, a mother sat at the front of the synagogue with a young child, who was babbling away. Only after the rabbi stopped the service and said something, did the parent get up and remove the child.

I wish I had an "it's a village" approach like a friend of mine. Yet no one REALLY wants another evening of...

Do you take this person to be your lawfully wedded...
WAAAH, WAAAH, WAAAH, WAAH
I now pronounce you husband and wife.

See, it even sucks in writing.

Some of the other issues I have considered and, as a result, have decided not to invite very young children to my wedding:

• We pay for meals by the head. It doesn't matter if that head belongs to a very small person, who will eat a lot less than others.
  
• The wedding is outside, meaning that parents can't just take their kids into the lobby or out of the building. If a snit fit occurs, it will be heard by more than 100 people.
  
• Kids need to go to bed earlier. So, parents sometimes have to eat and run.

Yes, some people say I am selfish for not including children. That being said, I have spent a lot of time around kids (and parents) and know what's realistic. Even my niece, who begged to be the flower girl, is planning on hanging out with the nanny after the wedding. She's already informed me that adult dinners are "way boring."

So what are kids invited to at our wedding? After dinner dancing, because most kids like music and moving their bodies. And I love that.