How would you spend $30,000?
Let's face it. Few of us would throw around $30,000, let alone spend it in a day. And most people don't expect they will. Because the average wedding costs around $30,000, yet the average budget is around 50% less.
While we will exceed the $30K mark, I am sticking to the budget. There's no fudge factor.
Part of the issue is my large-ish family. I expect around 44 - 45 of them will show up. B's family is smaller, there are about 17 - 18 people. His mother has a few more relatives on her side, who B doesn't even really know. She has said that "I am closer to most of my friends than my family," so we planned on inviting around 10 - 12 of B's parent's friends. We figured this was OK, since my future mother-in-law had mentioned that it was fine that we didn't have an even number of guests.
I wasn't sure it that was the truth when I heard it. Logically though, we weren't planning on getting any funds from B's parents, so maybe it was going to be fine, I told myself. I should have trusted my instinct.
Last weekend they flew out from New York to spend a few days with us. About an hour after they arrived, I mentioned that we had found a location in wine country. We had looked at other venues, since the Napa Valley is so expensive. But, in the end, realized that everything is expensive and we would spend pretty much the same in wine country. My future in-laws had wanted the event to be in that area, so I figured they would be thrilled.
Notsomuch.
B's parents asked how many people they could invite, and I looked at B before we both said "around 30."
B's mother started to get a concerned expression.
"Well, how many people on your side," she said to me. I admitted it would be closer to 45.
"We won't be able to invite any of our friends!," she said in strained tones. "We can't invite anyone!"
I explained that I was personally adding money to the wedding budget and my parents had kicked in a little extra, so we could cover these additional people. They would still be able to invite about 10 of their friends and the family they were close to, but due to budget constraints that was the limit.
They asked about the budget for the wedding, and I told them. I was informed that their other sons' wedding budgets were $75,000, for a reception of 99 people, and $100,000, for a wedding of over 125 people. Those numbers are WAY, WAY higher than ours.
"That's just what these things cost," B's mother told me twice. Apparently they also had invited more of their friends to the other sons' weddings.
I apologized about the number of people from my family who would attend -- there was just no tactful way to reduce the list.
"Well, I have a big family too," she said before I left the room. I wasn't sure what to make of this, since she didn't seem like she had much contact with that part of the family.
I have tried to get over this conversation. The truth is, I just can't. While I could move past many of the other comments, I am deeply angry and bitter about the conversation. I am sure B's mother is too.
But my inner bridezilla, the one who is going to get her way, because it's her wedding, dammit, will prevail. Roar!
